The Intimacy Intensive:
Cultivate More Love in Your Relationships
Through the Work of Byron Katie
Part 1, Romantic Partnership
Are you holding back from your beloved, waiting for him or her to change? Do you find yourself having the same arguments over and over, nothing ever resolved? Do you feel seen, heard, and cherished, the way you want to be?
There is a way out of the stalemate and back to love and intimacy. It’s called the Work of Byron Katie, and it’s what you’ll learn in the Intimacy Intensive.
The Intimacy Intensive is a series of three six-week tele-classes that applies the Work to your relationships with:
- Your partner — this class runs January 10 – February 21, 2017;
- Your parents — this class enrolls February 10 and runs February 28 – April 11, 2017;
- Your children — this class enrolls March 31 and runs April 18 – May 30, 2017.
Register a la carte, according to your need (but only where you want to enjoy more peace and love!).
We start with your beloved! Dive into your romantic partnership and:
- Release Resentment – or rather, it will release you, so you’re free to love with your whole heart again;
- Discover Wisdom – what your soul has been trying to tell you all along through those recurring arguments, so you can stop having them and start having conversations instead;
- Rediscover the Person You Fell in Love With – the one you couldn’t take your eyes off, whom you’d talk with for hours on end, whose simple existence lit you up . . . they’re still there;
- Rediscover Yourself – Innocent, joyful, and loveable . . . you’re still all that, too.
This is not a couples’ course. To get the results you long for, only you need to do the Work. Enrolling with your partner is not recommended. (See FAQ’s below for more details).
Starting January 10 and concluding February 21, 2017, we’ll meet as a group every Tuesday at 7:30 pm Eastern 4:30 pm Pacific Time. During that call I’ll introduce the week’s topic of Inquiry and assign partners. Throughout the week you’ll trade facilitation with your assigned partner at least once (for a total of two sessions, one as client, and one as facilitator). You’ll do the Work on your own on days you are not working with a partner.
The intention is for you to do the Work every day (or most days) for 45 min-to-one hour – that’s why this is called the Intimacy Intensive! Of course, I won’t be policing you! The time you devote is ultimately up to you. I just know that the more you time you spend in the Work, the more love you’ll find. There will be a final (seventh) group call to celebrate our journey together.
Enrollment will be open December 2-16, 2016.
The platform for our group calls will be Zoom. It’s a secure teleconference platform that allows you to join from any device, with or without video. It also allows us to record, in case you want or need to listen later.
Dates & Details: Six Weeks, Six Areas of Inquiry.
January 10, Chores: Cultivate cheerful shared responsibility.
January 17, Friendship: Like each other more.
January 24, Kids: Value your partner as a parent.
January 31, Money: Have conversations, not arguments.
February 7, Sex: Find your “yes.”
February 14, Communication: Make it easy to talk about hard things.
February 21, Class Party (Bonus Call): Wrap it up!
This Course Is for You If . . .
. . .you have a lot of judgments about your partner and are willing to prioritize that relationship for the six weeks of the class so you can be happier.
“When I started coaching with Allison, my relationship with my husband was terrible – full of fights, insults, and aggressiveness. It took a serious toll on my self-esteem. I felt worthless. I opened my soul to Allison and did the Work and everything started changing. I started looking at myself, my husband, and our relationship from a different perspective. I started to be able to give and receive. It was a-life changing experience. Of course life is not perfect, but now I have the tools that the Work provides to face it in a positive way. Allison is an extraordinary and perceptive coach.”
~ Dr. Ana Rosa Linde Arias, Boston
“Before I started working with Allison, and doing the Work, I was continually frustrated by the aftermath of my divorce, and by the subsequent drama of co-parenting two adolescent children. I’m usually an easy-going, nice guy, but inside I was raging. Then Allison and I started doing The Work. Through conversations that were like guided meditations, I found solutions to my frustrations inside myself, and I was surprised how simple it was. Allison and The Work were instrumental in helping me find peace in this area of my life that in which I had been suffering.”
~ Jack Mecham, San Diego
“Allison and I are coaching partners, so she has helped me through numerous struggles with my husband. I continue to be amazed by the work she does. I arrive at the session tense with sadness, anger, or frustration and, by the end, my very muscles and breathing has changed. I’m softer. I see new things in myself. Perhaps it is this softness which makes me more approachable, but I regularly find that, by changing myself, I often get the results (i.e., attention, chores, chatting) that I crave from my husband.”
~ Rebecca Mullen, Colorado
Tuition & Registration
Tuition is $299 for six weeks of daily immersion in the Work of Byron Katie via:
- Six weekly group coaching & facilitation calls + one bonus group call led by Allison;
- Unlimited paired partner facilitation calls;
- Unlimited self-facilitation;
- Call recordings.
If you have questions, any at all, ask me. Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I reply to all inquiries. Registration will be open Dec. 2 – 16, 2016.
I learned the Work (also called Inquiry) six years ago, during Life Coach Training with Martha Beck, and it has transformed all of my relationships by changing me. Inquiry has allowed me to forgive, to be more open, curious, empowered, joyful, loving. The almost magical side effect is that the people in my life have also become more open, curious, empowered, joyful, and loving! Because of the Work I know that you don’t have to suffer in relationships. I want you to experience that, too. It’s why I’m offering the Intimacy Intensive.
I am a Martha Beck Certified Life Coach and attended Byron Katie’s 9-day School for the Work in 2016. I do the Work every day.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ’s)
Why do we have to work with partners? What if I don’t like my partner?
I include paired facilitation because Inquirers find it tremendously helpful. Let’s be clear about what paired facilitation is. It is not therapy or coaching. Rather, your partner is there simply to ask you the four questions, to solicit the turnarounds, and to hold the space for you – to listen with compassion. You get at least one turn each in the “client” and “facilitator” seats.
I experienced paired facilitation with total strangers at the School for the Work. We knew only one another’s first names and were instructed not to talk outside of the Work – in other words, no chit chat, no getting to know you, no social posturing! There is something both humbling and elevating about being deeply listened to in this way by another human being. It is also an honor to be the one holding the space for another human being. I fell in love with every stranger with whom I was paired!
That said, you may, of course, opt-out of partner work. This is your class.
I’ve tried to do the Work on my own, and I just can’t. Do I have to do self-facilitation?
If you were introduced to the Work through paired facilitation, coaching, or therapy, self-facilitation can feel hard. Your mind can wander in a way it doesn’t when someone else is asking you questions and listening. But you can learn to self-facilitate. Stick with it. Like anything else, you’ll gain fluency with practice.
It sounds like the Work lets my partner off the hook.
Yes, it does let them off the hook. But aren’t you exhausted holding them up there?
First and foremost, the Work is the deepest kindness to you, the Inquirer. But there is so much kindness that it cannot be contained. It overflows onto those you are in conflict with.
The only person you can change is you. So start there, and be amazed at how your partner responds.
Isn’t this condoning abusive behavior?
Before you can stop finding abuse in your life, stop abusing yourself and others first. Through the Work, you’ll see how to do that.
I don’t know what the answer is for you. But you do. The Work will help you find the clarity and personal power you need to break painful cycles. Nothing is too big or too scary for this process called the Work.
Why do you say not to do this class with my partner?
I say that so that you can write anything at all in your Judge Your Neighbor worksheets (JYN). In the JYN you are encouraged not to be generous or enlightened in your judgments, but rather as raw, harsh, and petty as possible. If there is a chance your partner will see your JYN, you may not have the courage to be so honest and unguarded. In any case, you may needlessly hurt his or her feelings.
It’s an advanced skill to be able to hear the criticism of a JYN and welcome it.
That said, if you and your partner are equally interested in the class, by all means, both of you sign up. I just won’t pair you up.
Why should I do the Work but they don’t have to?
If you’re the one in pain, then you’re the one who should do the Work.
Why should I take a class from you instead of just reading Loving What Is for $12 or watching Katie’s videos and listening to her podcasts for free?
Great question! Katie is, indeed, extremely generous. In addition to the free (or nearly free) resources you listed, did you know that there is also a hotline for the Work? You can call in and pay nothing to be facilitated by a trained facilitator! I don’t even pay her a royalty for using the Work in my life coaching business.
One value in a class like this is the gathering of like-minded Inquirers. If you do the partner work, you’ll have a dozen new best friends, equally skilled in the Work, to call on for facilitation beyond our six weeks together! Of course, you could also organize a group yourself through a Meet-up group for a small fee.
There is also value in paying for something. It invests us a little deeper into what we’re doing than if we’d gotten it for free. Not always, but often. That’s my experience anyway. Besides, I’ve designed this class to help you achieve fluency in the Work; on your own, it could take you longer.
Finally, I’m a valuable guide in this work. I have been a devoted practitioner of the Work for the past six years, and I have attended the nine-day School for the Work, which Katie teaches personally. I self-facilitate daily, do paired facilitation two-to-three times per week, and have hundreds of hours of experience facilitating clients and colleagues in the Work. I even facilitated my beloved teacher, Dr. Martha Beck, who said, “You are wonderful! I would hire you in a New York minute!” We are often willing to take bigger risks and push ourselves further under the loving guidance of an experienced teacher. I can be that for you.
I’m also available for one-on-one coaching or facilitation.
Whoa! Do you really expect me to do the Work 45-60 min/day? That’s too much.
Maybe you’re right! That’s what I do, so I think it’s a “right” and doable amount of time.
These were my intentions with that expectation. First, I wanted to help you develop a practice – something you don’t spend energy negotiating with every day, like, “Should I brush my teeth today?” No, you just do it. Every day.
Second, I wanted to give you a deep experience, not a dabbling one – an experience that left an impression and created some lasting changes. But there I’m in your business. Forgive me.
I may be your teacher, but you’re the boss. You’re free to choose your level of involvement. Just let me know and I can pair you accordingly.
These classes are all the “Intimacy Intensive” but they’re a la carte? If I sign up for this one, do I get the other ones for free? Or is there a discount for enrolling in more than one of them?
That’s right: Intimacy is the theme, but each class is, indeed, a la carte — not everyone has a partner or children or parents who cause them suffering. Take only the class or classes you need. Pay only for the class or classes you need. There is no discount for multiple enrollments, though there is exponential pay-off!
That said, if you need a discount, please ask for one.